Mental Feng Shui

I got this email forward today. It goes like this:

There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so far.

The Lotus Touts must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve.

1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks
15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. Do not keep this message.

Of course, since the gal who sent it to me knows I don't believe in all that "forward this to 568 people in the next 30 seconds or you will grow warts in places you didn't know you had places" kind of thing, she made sure to tell me she was sending it on because she knows I enjoy the occasional forward if it's something blog-worthy. I decided though, that since posting it to a blog means I've shared it with way more than 15 people, I'm going to either be drunk with new pleasures of life... or I'll be knocking on Anthony Robbins' door and taking it up with him. Yeah. I really believe it came from him, and I intend to hold him to it.

Here are those bits of wisdom:

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
5. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the
   only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
21. Spend some time alone.

Post it in your blog too. Cash in on mental feng shui.

Dumb Blonde Joke #4220

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two men and a blonde woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the blonde's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. The agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

A good excuse to call in sick for work?

A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in
and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in
and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." The boss asks the foreman
about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two
men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have
a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd
hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with?
Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law
drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday
morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on
my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing
you know, I'm screwing her."

The boss says, "You screw your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

A Winehouse Wannabe?

I've come across something rather disturbing. It's not that I don't like Amy Winehouse, but her look isn't something I'm planning on trying to master. It seems though, that some people will do anything to get attention these days.

Now if that wasn't bad enough, just see what I mean here.

There are times when I am glad I'm safe up here in Canada!